Life, Rainbow and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Everyone is gearing up and readying themselves for the upcoming Annual Rainbow Gathering.  Fortunately, we made the decision to move to Oregon this year, and that just happens to be where the gathering will take place.  It won’t be anywhere near where I live, but this has been a good stopping point for travelers.  In the last week we have had 11 people and all the critters in the house and camper, plus a few daytime visitors that didn’t stay the night.  Two of whom were old dudes that insisted upon talking about gang banks and orgies at a particular regional gathering with many people I would consider close friends.  Gross.  I mean really, I just don’t understand I guess.  Part of me wishes that I had a different life and was in a different body that people would want to touch, and that opportunities like that appeared to me.  Maybe I’m jealous, maybe I’m just asexual, I really think I am pan sexual, at least that’s how I feel in my head, but I am stuck.  Stuck with the Dude that hasn’t had real sex with me since a gathering more than 3 years ago.  And even the non-intercourse agenda is pretty much few and far between.  Then again, part of that is because he is just gross most of the time.  I don’t know if he has brushed his teeth in years, and the lack of soap usage in his life is just really comical at this point,  I wish we had people that I was closer with, I wish I was able to go to the gathering.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but today is the next in a series of doctor appointments to figure it out.  I’ll be here… feeding the chickens, watering the garden, and trying to make some lifestyle changes.  I woke up today in the worst pain.  Anyway, this isn’t about me, well sort of anyway.  So the dude leaves tomorrow and is taking a housemate with him.  I could say I hope he does this or doesn’t do that, but honestly I’d be surprised if he’s do anything different than he’s done in past years.  I hope he has fun, but not too much fun, ya know? I just don’t know what to say about it with the current state of things.  It hasn’t been good, but it certainly hasn’t been the worst.  I just don’t have any feelings, I don’t know what I will do tomorrow, or the next day or the following week and for whatever reason my brain is saying that’s not OK. The housemates upstairs are going to leave early next week, so I will essentially be here alone.  In reality, probably not though.  Last summer was shady, I’m not really proud of what I did, just testing waters really.  This summer is different, I really feel old and broken.  Maybe next year I will be in better shape and be able to go, but at the same time, part of me is like fuck Rainbow.  Although, next year it could be way far away and I won’t be able to go, so am I missing an opportunity here?  I just can’t even with the pain.  well whatever, it is what it is.  I need to eat some food and then go wash my everything, as I have to go have an inside inspection and it was yak shaving day and I’m covered in hair.  Peace, love and light to my fellow Rainbow Family Members.  Lovin you, huffin glue, puppy stew and all that.

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